posted on 12.27/filed under Love

I have this OCD problem with my phone pictures. I am constantly deleting pictures that I feel are just there consuming space or that aren’t truly necessary. I also do this with my clothes and my belongings, but not as much as I do with my pictures. I believe the longer you own something, the more attached you get, yet sometimes certain clothes or bags don’t really go with your outfits anymore and that dress you thought was so cute now looks different and doesn’t bring you the same joy it used to when you would wear it. Now, imagine how difficult it is to get ride of situations, or people that just don’t bring any more happiness into your life. It is hard to cut ties with people you enjoy to spend your time with, people you engage with or have friendships with but when you are in a relationship, now that is hard. Fucking hard.

You become so involved in someone else’s life and they become so involved in yours that it is incredibly difficult to realize if they are toxic or not, if they should still have a place or not in your life, in your heart. You get accustomed to this kind of love someone gives you and it makes you feel like you could just fly and suddenly everything seems perfect, then that person suddenly changes and maybe they don’t intend to act different or hurt you, but the love they used to give you becomes less and the love you give is more. Suddenly you start missing the old love, the old gestures and then when you ask for some attention, you are told it’s selfish for you to want more when in reality you are being given teeny tiny pieces of what you are giving. Being given teeny tiny pieces of affection will break you down in the end, making you unhappy with yourself and your relationship. When we get rid of things that are unhealthy for us, we almost always feel better instantly, but when it comes to people we love so much it is hard to decide what is the right thing to do or what it is you want. I became so doubtful of what was making me happy and what it is that I wanted in my life. You begin to feel empty and then, suddenly you ask yourself whether you were accepting less of what you actually deserve.

It is not an easy task or an easy decision to make, but I think the most important question you should ask yourself is am I happy or am I content? And how often do I ask myself this..

I still miss the people I have lost in my life, and I still have love for them, all of them. Yet, sometimes life takes from you, and what it gives you in return is actually so much better. It took me so long to realize that self love is the best love and that the main person I should make happy, constantly, is myself. I was always and still am a people pleaser but now I take great importance on spoiling and loving myself and keeping myself happy because in the end we are our own best friends, and we cant love someone more by loving ourselves less.

You can’t keep putting flowers in a garden where people won’t water them, that is now my motto.




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